identity We all have hurts. Some more than others. Many of us internalize these hurts and let them define us. I did. We don’t always know or realize it.

From our life’s experiences we create a belief system and have a set of preferences that are our filters. Every experience in life goes through these filters. If it’s a new experience, we create a new filter. All these filters determine the decisions and actions we take.

This morning as I read through my typical bank of blog posts I came across this post:

Your Husband Did Not Hurt You | Intentional Today by Ngina Otiende”

Ngina talks about hurts she received that subconsciously causing her to filter all men through the hurt experiences. We all do it. I’ve done it.

I lived a life of fear and hatred toward those in life who reminded me of my hurt or triggered me to feel/experience that hurt all over again. This affects all your relationships. If you’re married, especially your spouse.

Because it was subconscious I didn’t realize it. However, because of my reactionary behavior it caused me to do some very deep soul-searching. I went on a soul journey for healing.

The main thing to take into consideration is that we are not able to do it in and of ourselves. We need help. I got help. In the beginning I felt I needed a mental health professional. It helped to a degree. It left me feeling empty though, as if I needed more help. I realized I needed God’s help. His word and our relationship [I built onto my spiritual relationship after this] helped me to fill my spiritual love tank. It was the missing piece in my healing journey.

You need to break the cycle. Below is a list of some tips to help.

My Tips:

  1. Get into His Word.
    There is very strong themes in scripture. Searching through scripture and finding supporting verses to build you up and strengthen you will help in rebuilding your identity and your relationship with God. Here’s some verses:

    • John 1:12 But to all who did accept him and believe in him he gave the right to become children of God.
    • Romans 8:15 The Spirit we received does not make us slaves again to fear; it makes us children of God. With that Spirit we cry out, “Father.”
  2. Prayer.
    Earnestly praying and talking to God and sharing your fears and needs with Him lets Him in to help you. Praying to God in a way that would be just like you sitting across the table from a friend and sharing your soul with them. That’s what God wants from us as His children. Here’s a verse:

    • 1 Kings 9:3 The Lord said to him: “I have heard your prayer and what you have asked me to do. You built this Temple, and I have made it a holy place. I will be worshiped there forever and will watch over it and protect it always.
  3. Remember, it’s not all your fault.
    It’s a spiritual battle. The devil watches for vulnerabilities and slips in to take advantage of them. Being in God’s Word and prayer will help you identify when this happens to give you tools to fight of the devil. Being in God’s Word and praying will help you adopt the fruits of the spirit allowing you to move forward. God’s Word warns us:

    • John 10:10 A thief [the devil] comes to steal and kill and destroy, but I came to give life—life in all its fullness.
    • 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 We do live in the world, but we do not fight in the same way the world fights. We fight with weapons that are different from those the world uses. Our weapons have power from God that can destroy the enemy’s strong places. We destroy people’s arguments and every proud thing that raises itself against the knowledge of God. We capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ.
  4. Forgiveness, it’s powerful.
    God’s word and prayer helped me to come to a place of forgiveness. There’s a quote I like:

    “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”   – Lewis B. Smedes, Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve

    • Ephesians 1:5-9 Because of his love, God had already decided to make us his own children through Jesus Christ. That was what he wanted and what pleased him, and it brings praise to God because of his wonderful grace. God gave that grace to us freely, in Christ, the One he loves. In Christ we are set free by the blood of his death, and so we have forgiveness of sins. How rich is God’s grace, which he has given to us so fully and freely. God, with full wisdom and understanding, let us know his secret purpose. This was what God wanted, and he planned to do it through Christ.
  5. Being in community.
    When we have a sister(s) to share and pray with, as well as, relate to, we get things off our chest, so to speak. Finding someone to trust and who cares to relate to and allow their testimony to resonate with us; God uses it to help in the healing process. Remember, you’re not alone.

    • Hebrews 10:24-25 Let us think about each other and help each other to show love and do good deeds. You should not stay away from the church meetings, as some are doing, but you should meet together and encourage each other. Do this even more as you see the day coming.

Seek God as your refuge. His Word speaks of it:

Psalm 62:8 O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.

Disclaimer: I’m not a licensed counselor. However, I am a Certified Biblical Life Coach. You can contact me at that link or here. I’d love to pray with you and help you find resources, etc, to help you on your healing journey.